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Archive for May, 2009

The Growing Trends of Idiots

Published by t3hwiz0rd on May 15, 2009 in General Blog. 0 Comments

It seems to be something that I have to surround myself with rather often while dealing with my life. Whether it be work, home, family, or friends, I continually find myself surrounded by badgering.

One of the key problems I’ve been having lately was described in previous post involving my job and what I think I need to do. I’ve always tried to be a star performer and a positive attribute to any place I have ever worked. This is why I ultimately decided on a Catholic based hospital as my ultimate career path.

The only problem with this is, that lately, the management of the facility has begun to adapt the failed and continually juvenile behavior of most other businesses in the profession. Behavior such as trying to make examples out of people who typically perform really well, in order to set the bar higher for those people below them.

Recently I discussed how I had a negative run-in with a co-worker which lead to a rather ridiculous meeting with my manager and a conduct that reminded me of something similar to what would be experienced in a Wal-Mart management scenario. I blew this off with a grain of salt, clarifying and then justifying it to the powers that be what really happened… And I thought this was going to be it for me, I could return to work happily and continue onward with what I prefer to do best…

Little did I know that this was merely the onset of what would be a continual bigotry issue where I work. After performing my duties above and beyond the night prior to this, 05/13/09, I was commended largely by a co-worker who has had her first-time experience with me. She went so far as to send off a positive email about me all the way to the administrative branch of the Hospital. You’d figure that something like this would result in positive feedback from the powers that be above me; my Department Heads… However, I awoke today to discover the following in my work in-box:
“Please see me about a corrective action for your absences.”

Well… To anyone curious about my ‘absences’ from work, see posts below where I describe having Schizoid Personality Disorder. One extremely sad and distressing side-effect is continual chronic insomnia, which lately has progressed pretty bad. I was relieved from work early one day after going three complete days without sleep and eventually vomiting on my shift. I was then told that I couldn’t return until I was was negative tested for the stupid “Swine Flu” outbreak that has every moron in America paranoid.

I was relieved of any symptoms from the horrid and over-dramatic flu outbreak and more-or-less ruled to be suffering from pure exhaustion. I received a medical note excusing the absences and explaining, in detail, why they had occurred and in what courses of action had been taken to explain them. The notes were passed to my manager shortly before the first occurrence of issues arose (see below post).

Now, it appears, even though my doctor has advised my employer about what has happened, my employer finds that illness is a punishable offense… Frankly, fuck you, America… Fuck this bullshit ridden game where the average man means nothing and we’re all expendable.

I’ve found that I am currently re-evaluating my position at this Hospital even further, as its values have only again proven to me that there is a serious lack of moral and compassionate fiber in the United States. Being punished for illness is  not heard of in Europe and most other western nations. However, it seems I live in the one place where illusions and bullshit are part of the powers vested within.

Several of us “lower level” personnel have become the beating post of a management gone sour, and I’ve found that my need to use Benzodiazepines to control my stress levels has only increased. I don’t know what other options I have left but to consider new employment elsewhere.

Perhaps with a few days to cool off and some discussion with higher HR, things will blow over a little better… But for now, this venting rant of a post seems to be the best I can work up. And maybe someone close to me can actually provide something worthy of advice, something to help me weather the storm… I don’t know…

Thanks for reading…

Where Did Serenity Go?

Published by t3hwiz0rd on May 10, 2009 in General Blog. 0 Comments

It’s been some time before my last blog update, they seem to come in waves based on lifestyle events that occur. Today is more or less triggered by a series of events around me that have really left me in a state of daze and amazement.

Most recently, the things I’ve encountered myself with fall more or less into my job and the type of people I am forced to interact with. I’ll be the first to admit that I love my job with a passion, even though it was not the career I saw myself in when I first begun this journey of adult life. I’ve come to find compassion and understanding through human contact and day to day interaction with various other cultures and races.

However, the one thing that has really put me in a some what “down and out” mood lately is the way most of my coworkers behave themselves. It seems that in stumbling upon the nursing field, I’ve unlocked the key to a world that keeps high school alive. I’ve fallen subject to petty vendetta’s, unidentifiable hate, and loathing over very ridiculous and minuscule things.

I’ve quickly come to learn just what it means being a part of Generation Me in America. I’ve learned just how fast people will take their own values and use them to try and take apart another persons life simply because they don’t like that other person. The targeting and childish, self-indulged need to feel important and better than another person is a rapid and saddening predicament for most people in my generation.

The other day I found myself in an encounter where a coworker admitted to someone else that she simply… Didn’t like me “Just because”. She defined no other reason but stated that she was going to personally see to it that I was in trouble with my manager at some point or another. This she did attempt, and attempted well….

After the long talk with my manager and redemption of my status, it really left me thinking for a few days… The thoughts that ran through my head really enabled me to cross-analyze everything from my own behavior to the behavior people in and around my age group are raised to believe… We are taught from an early age that we are extremely unique and that our personal opinions and self-worth take value over anything and everything. We’re taught that if we don’t like someone else it’s because they’ve done something wrong and we are always right.

I feel that, deep down, this ideology we’ve been raised around has done a large level of damage to our cultural development. All of us encounter people that we may or may not like for any given reason, but that’s just a part of life. This new trend of dog eat dog reflects just how bad America is and just how much of a negative situation we bring upon ourselves.

So during my reflection period I found myself driving the long way home from work one day… The car came to the peak of a hill where I then looked down at the Catalina Mountains of Tucson, Arizona. For a few moments my problems void as I looked and bestowed one of Gods greatest gifts and wondrous treasures: The Earth we live on.

It was such a peaceful feeling that it made me really stop and ask myself; Where has serenity gone? Why has the world completely void the beauty within itself and why does it seem so bleak? A moment like this was able to clear my problems and leave me feeling completely rejuvenated… Why can’t more people see this the way I just did?

Most people could probably agree that we’ve locked ourselves in urbanized prisons where we do nothing but work, eat, sleep REPEAT. These situations take away from the natural fiber of what humans really are, a nomadic and hunt-gather creature. As we’ve urbanized our lifestyles we’ve brought on trends of depression, anxiety, stress, and other forms of conditions that simply aren’t natural in the levels they occur. But what does this really mean?

Well, to simply put it, we’ve locked ourselves in a modernized and completely self-created version of hell. We’ve lost touch with the beauty of the world around us, we’ve given up discovery and serendipity, we’ve lacked the requirement for external influence, and most of us have denounced the need to experience the world around us. All things accounted for, if you subtract fire from the equation, we’ve created a biblical version of hell on earth.

It deeply saddens me and concerns me that this is the world we live in and it is also the world we will continue to bring people into. I, for one, took this moment of clarity to really analyze my life… In just the few short days since this moment on top of a hill I’ve driven so many times before, I’ve spent more time out doors and more time focusing on the things around me that are naturally beautiful.

I’ve gone hiking and spent more time with my fiancée, I’ve found ways to let petty issues roll off my shoulders and focus on the better things around me. My career is now in question as I look at things that may, possibly, bring me closer to the roots of my ancestors and ultimately to a more happy and stress-free life. I have begun a search to bring Serenity back into my life.

For far too long I feel that I’ve subjected myself to the normal behavior I was raised around. However, I feel that with the proper effort and the right attitude, I may be able to find peace and happiness in things I never thought possible. Simple things, like basic sunsets or seeing the stars at night… To me, I regard all of these things as the creations of God put before us to allow us to wonder, discover, and study… Yet, I have completely disconnected from it.

So, I guess the primary message of what I am saying here is something like this:

As a culture, we’ve really got to analyze the things around us, especially our own lives. We have to really stop and take in and absorb how fortunate we are just to live in such an amazing world. As a race of humans, we need to learn to come together for common good and peace.

Happiness and tranquility should not be the luxury of the rich but the entitled basis of which humans live off of. People should spend less time worrying about petty differences and more time learning to embrace change and unity. Peace and joy should be shared equally among people as we learn to cope with even those we don’t particularly care for.

Hate and petty dislike should become things of the past, as they do nothing but fuel problems for everyone. If history has taught us anything, it’s that these behaviors are self-destructive to the human condition and they do nothing but set us up for repetitive failure. Cultural redefining is something that a generation like ours today is in desperate need of.

So I guess that sums up what I wanted to say… How ’bout some feed back, everyone?